"What is love? Baby don't hurt me......" Good song lyrics! Reminds me of Roxbury.......

So, my colleague asks me "have you really ever been in love?"

And I immediately retort..."I think so after 30 years of marriage!"

And he says..."are you sure?"

"I don't know", I think to myself. He's a doctor....he must be right thinking that maybe I really know what love really is.

According to Merriam Webster Dictionary love is defined as:

1. a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties such as maternal love for a child

2. attraction based on sexual desire or the affection or tenderness felt by lovers

3. affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests.

4. Warm attachment, enthusiasm or devotion

I thought I had all of these for my spouse at some time or another.

Can you fall out of love with someone? I did. Why, I ask myself did that happen? If you are so fortunate to find someone who loves you back, why would you give up and want to find love somewhere else? Whose fault is that?

Sometimes I feel that the infatuation I had for my spouse way back when was short lived. Life got in the way. Jobs, kids...all great excuses for me to use.

I spent most of my married life searching for myself and my happiness outside of the confines of married life. Things I should have done before committing to a long-term relationship with a spouse. A lot of water under the bridge, a lot of heart ache for everyone ultimately ending up in my leaving to start my life alone, to search for me and what makes me happy.

Some would say that I was selfish to leave my family behind to go out to search for my own happiness. What is selfish....but to act in the interest of the self....to find happiness for myself. I don't think that is bad.

I heard somewhere from someone that you can not love someone else unless you first love yourself. I have had to learn to be alone, to make myself happy, keep myself occupied. But I am lonely for someone special. Do I want a long-term someone? Have I become set in my ways now being alone that someone else would disrupt my routine? Well, dating should help me discover the answers to these questions.

So, what is love? I think I am looking for love and yes I was in love in the past and I think I can recognize if I get there again. Stay tuned for more ponderings and adventures in the search of the meaning of and experiencing love by this self-proclaimed cougar, searching for love in Jacksonville! ttfn!!

What are you looking for...

So, I am at work, speaking with one of my esteemed colleagues about the trials and tribulations of looking for love in Jacksonville. He asks me "what are you looking for? Sex or love?" It stopped me dead in my tracks. Well, both are great, aren't they?? My tastes lean to younger men. I attracted to them for the sex? Could I possibly fall in love with a younger man? Deep question. I do enjoy the sex. But what about the older men? What am I afraid of? Does dating younger men keep me from a true committed relationship. I say I want to fall in love and find that one who I will love and cherish and with whom I would share the rest of my life. Is that what I really want. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. Do I just want a companion? Many great questions.

The next blog post will deal with the question....have you really ever loved someone? That one I will ponder and get back with you all. In the meantime, you think about it, too! What is it and have I really experienced it and do I really want it??? Until then, a searching I will go!

Rainy days and Mondays get me down.....

It is not raining right now, but it is the truth. Monday.....OMG we have the whole week to trudge through until another weekend. Not much to write about today. I cancelled my dinner plans yesterday due to my continued ill health. I suppose he's mad and that will be the last I hear from that guy. I left my number again, asked him to give me a call....nothing. AH WELL....Will write more tomorrow. Keep on living and loving!!

Saturday Night's All Right!!

Well, fellow bloggers, I am here to tell you that my trepidation of meeting the 23 year old was unfounded. We met for a glass of wine. What a delightful man, a beginning law student. Handsome, swarthy, lanky gentleman. We had an animated conversation about similar likes, movies.... huge Seinfeld fan, we had some laughs over that!! He says I remind of Ray Romano's wife character in Everybody loves Raymond!

Well, it is late!! Will blog more tomorrow! Sleep all of you here in the jungle....where cougars prowl the night. Mothers, hide your babies!!!!!

Day 3 of Searching for love in Jacksonville

Got a hot date tonight! I met someone on one of the sites, talked to him on the phone and we set a dinner date. He is preparing dinner for me at his home! What a treat. He is more my age and fits most of my desired characteristics. We shall see. I am going to be optimistic. I will fill you in later. I received an email from someone with a foreign background today and have not had time to follow up. He appears to be a man around my age group. The 23 year old is hot on my trail. Despite my misgivings, he wants to have a friendly relationship first and see how it goes from there. Mia Madre....these horny kids!!! Will check back in with you all later and report on my latest adventure. TTFN ........Searcher

End of the day

Well, just checked in and what do you know? Same old parade of men 58+. I can't bear it. Let's examine the differences between the two groups younger than me versus my age or older.

Young guys have:

1.Stamina OMG!! Just like the Everready Bunny keeps going and going and going!

2. Recuperativity back after a brief breather

The younger guys say they want an older, mature woman because "we don't play emotional games". Well, I can play those games, too.

The older gentlemen might:

1. need medical assistance (pills)

2. have other health issues you might worry about

Some of them just look OLD!

How about some commonality....what do both groups display often on these sites:

One thing I have noticed is that, for the most part, some guys want some skinny big-boobed Barbie. Well, I look at some of their pictures and some of these "studs" are far from pleasantly muscled, toned, and handsome. Just what is "a few extra pounds"? By whose weight chart? Now there are some big boys who want big girls, and some of the foreign men like their women with some substance.

Well enough for my late night entry. Just got off-line with a 23 year old who is not taking no for an answer. What a dilemna!! He is younger than my youngest child!!! He wants to be friends first. Have to sleep on this one!! Good night you seekers of soulmates wherever you are!

Searching for love in Jacksonville

Here I am, sitting on my couch, checking out my dating and romance sites. I check Match.com (Match) and Plenty of Fish.com ( POF) several times a day, my cellphone twinkles at me to let me know that some interest has sprung up to my profile and pictures. So, will it be interesting today, will there be someone or ones who think I am worth their while to send me an email or even a wink?

Introduction

Hello to all, let me introduce myself, the name is Searcher. I am 56 years young, divorced, and searching for love. This blog, my daily journal of love searching will deal with the every day ups and downs of online dating. I have not had a lot of luck. Caught a few fish who like to nibble a bit, but nothing serious or longterm. Here I am in Jacksonville, Florida single and I might say lonely sometimes, looking for companionship, fun, and ultimately my soulmate.

Up to now, I have tried Cupid.com, Yahoo Personals and the two previously mentioned sites. I have had a few dates for coffee, one almost movie, a walk by the river, and a drink. I have managed to lure one of them to my boudoir for some of the best action I have had my whole adult sex-life with a repeat performance a few days later.

So what does my profile consist of?? All sites want you to type answers to questions and post a picture. Will they like me based up my posted pictures and/or profile. Do I sound boring, superficial, too uppitty? Do I look toooooo fat???? Too old?

What do I really want? I know what I don't want. I don't want someone to come over, have a delightful time in the sack once or twice and then come over to hangout and watch tv and movies and sports, that being the social priority of the relationship. Do I want a relationship or just fun? Why can't I have both??? My last serious boyfriend came over once a week, slept over and went merrily off to work in the morning. We communicated by phone when he decided to answer the phone, everything in his time. I put up with this infatuation wayyyyyy too long. I was so enamoured with him. The one before him lasted 3 years of bull.....t. I enabled that fool for way too long, chemically dependent and unemployed. Yummy boyfriend.

Oh did I mention these guys are YOUNGER than me??? They liked their sugar momma, right. I don't want to be a sugar momma. But, I have become the dreaded COUGAR. Maybe I should have called this blog COUGAR ON THE PROWL LOL!!!!! Hell, they are great in the sack! I have been approached by men as young as 23 and they all tell me I don't look my age. A warm, willing body is still a warm, willing body!!

Speaking of bodies...what about men my age......for the most part, the response I have had from that age category 50 + has not been positive. Don't get me wrong, I get responses from men my age or older, but for the most part they look their age and even older. And they act OLD!!!!!

What is about middle-aged or old men and their motorcycles? Do they all like to walk on the beach and hold hands and cuddle? OMG!! More to come on this vein!

Well so much for my introduction to Searching for love in Jacksonville. Meet me here daily to check on this Cougar Searching for love and follow her path to love and happiness! TTFN!!!

The Searcher