"What is love? Baby don't hurt me......" Good song lyrics! Reminds me of Roxbury.......

So, my colleague asks me "have you really ever been in love?"

And I immediately retort..."I think so after 30 years of marriage!"

And he says..."are you sure?"

"I don't know", I think to myself. He's a doctor....he must be right thinking that maybe I really know what love really is.

According to Merriam Webster Dictionary love is defined as:

1. a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties such as maternal love for a child

2. attraction based on sexual desire or the affection or tenderness felt by lovers

3. affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests.

4. Warm attachment, enthusiasm or devotion

I thought I had all of these for my spouse at some time or another.

Can you fall out of love with someone? I did. Why, I ask myself did that happen? If you are so fortunate to find someone who loves you back, why would you give up and want to find love somewhere else? Whose fault is that?

Sometimes I feel that the infatuation I had for my spouse way back when was short lived. Life got in the way. Jobs, kids...all great excuses for me to use.

I spent most of my married life searching for myself and my happiness outside of the confines of married life. Things I should have done before committing to a long-term relationship with a spouse. A lot of water under the bridge, a lot of heart ache for everyone ultimately ending up in my leaving to start my life alone, to search for me and what makes me happy.

Some would say that I was selfish to leave my family behind to go out to search for my own happiness. What is selfish....but to act in the interest of the self....to find happiness for myself. I don't think that is bad.

I heard somewhere from someone that you can not love someone else unless you first love yourself. I have had to learn to be alone, to make myself happy, keep myself occupied. But I am lonely for someone special. Do I want a long-term someone? Have I become set in my ways now being alone that someone else would disrupt my routine? Well, dating should help me discover the answers to these questions.

So, what is love? I think I am looking for love and yes I was in love in the past and I think I can recognize if I get there again. Stay tuned for more ponderings and adventures in the search of the meaning of and experiencing love by this self-proclaimed cougar, searching for love in Jacksonville! ttfn!!